Heffelumps and Woozels

Tonight I decided to go ahead and finish off the pink stuffed elephant I started sewing back in February as a baby gift. While I was feeling a bit iffy about giving this first draft (working in 3D is a lot harder than I had anticipated), things were going smoothly, and I was feeling pretty good about the possibility of finishing the elephant tonight.

I finished off the body, flipped the fabric right-side out in anticipation, and was completely staggered by the result. Do you remember that Pooh Bear episode where he is terrified of heffelumps and woozels, who steal honey? I think I just created the world’s first stuffed heffelump.

The first obvious problem that confronted this shocked viewer is that this elephant has no tail. You see, I know I attached a tail. It took me 15 minutes to turn it right side out after sewing it up. And I distinctly remember pinning it on and sewing away, per the instructions. So where, you may wonder, is said tail?

I’ll tell you where. The tail is still in the elephant’s dadgum body. I am completely baffled by this turn of events. Clearly something was lost in translation when I read the instructions. There is, you’ll be glad to know, a stub of seam (where the tail is firmly attached to the wrong side of the fabric) sticking out the elephant’s bum.

The tail is the least of my worries at this point, though, because, in case you were unaware, this elephant is afflicted with gout, if the awkward way he is holding his leg is any indication. I understand his pain. I was diagnosed with gout last year*. And maybe sewing these elephants as a way to raise gout awareness could be a nice side project. But I cannot give a diseased elephant to a baby.

You may not be able to tell, but his trunk is doing the same twisting action. This heffelump is a sad speciman.

And judging from his expression, I think he knows it.

I really should be daunted. But no, no, I still intend to be an awesome seamstress at some point soon, maybe even tomorrow. I think I’ll be fine as long as I avoid all items that come with tails.

In the meantime, though, I need going to start working on Elephant, 2.0. . .do elephants really need tails?

*Turns out I didn’t have gout. But the diagnosis of a disease that presents most frequently in obese men over the age of 75 forever marked my psyche.

4 thoughts on “Heffelumps and Woozels

  1. Heffalumps and woozles is a song/episode that has been forever imprinted on my psyche. I think that they’re great, and am of the opinion that giving a baby a heffalump can do nothing but build character and increase happiness (unless it’s a baby Piglet).

  2. You know, my friend here has a whole coffee table book on how to make ugly sock stuffed animals–that’s right: these creations are ugly and twisted and demented looking on purpose! Somebody actually sat down at their desk and sketched out patterns for these things. I do believe I have just found your area of expertise.
    Oh, and feel free to hold off on those yoga pants for five or ten years.

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