Madame Librarian

The librarians at the Lexington County Public Library must think I’m demented. I understand–if I were a casual bystander, I would be pretty concerned regarding my mental health. Truthfully, I’m pretty concerned about my mental health in any case.

Every day, soon after the library opens up, I stagger in, laden with 3-4 bags stuffed full of what could, to the naked eye, be all my earthly goods. I’m usually wearing unflattering, bag-like clothing, sometimes with a bonus rip or stain. I’m always rocking either a serious case of either bed-head or wet, stringy, “Hair dryer? What’s that?” head.

I proceed to take over a table at the library; I put on headphones and do an appalling “white girl dancing to rap” (seizure style). I munch on what looks to the naked eye like pieces of dried, compacted vomit (actually homemade granola bars). I frequently spin 180 degrees in my chair, stare blankly out the window for a moment with my lips moving, then turn to my computer and frantically pound out a sentence or two–after which I collapse against my chair in a resigned state of utter exhaustion. I mumble to myself, and (which is much, much creepier), giggle to myself. I pack up and leave only when the librarians start coughing subtly in my direction.

Now, truly, there are reasons I do all this. The library is far enough away from my house that it behooves me to bring along several bags of goods, including but not limited to: every book I’ve ever owned, high-protein snacks, Band-Aids, a travel pillow, 8 tubes of Chapstick, 3 packs of gum, nail clippers, extra sweatshirts/shoes etc. (“Always be prepared” are words I live by).

Furthermore, I do my best work when I can tear at my hair, so why style it? I can’t risk constricting my brain at this point in the semester, so baggy clothes are a must. Homemade granola bars are healthful and take forever to chew, so I have time to ponder my next sentence over each bite. Staring blankly at nature helps reboot my poor little brain cells after 3 hours of staring wistfully at the blank Word document on my screen. Talking aloud helps me organize my thoughts, and giggling? Well, a girl has to have some stress relief every once in awhile, even if she has to sound like the Joker while doing it. Rap. . .well, there’s really no excuse for that.

But you see, dear Lexington Librarians, you can stop finding me affordable housing brochures and looking up the numbers to the nearest mental institutions. I’m not actually in the throes of a mental breakdown. I’m just a student in a program that simulates the experience really well.

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3 thoughts on “Madame Librarian

  1. I sat here grinning the whole time and when I got to the last sentence I audibly laughed. My roommate, who is playing her songs that she is writing so I can imagined her heightened awareness of any feedback that she might be getting, turned around and asked if I was laughing at her…
    You should have posted this sooner, I could have implemented it over the course of writing my thesis. I suppose I could do so over the next two days before I get it bound but I feel like I wouldn’t actually get my groove on in any meaningful way in that short of time…

  2. This reminds me of that time when we went to the Fort Wayne mall together and you brought My Utmost for His Highest (or some other deeply spiritual, out of place book) so that you’d have something to read in case there was a natural disaster and we got stuck in a storm shelter for hours.

    Also of the time when we went to the library on a Friday night to work on our senior projects together and ended up writing the lyrics to “Single Ladies” on the chalk board in our study room instead.

    Clearly, we’re the coolest people ever.

    1. Lauren, you forgot to tell the world about how we had to be kicked out of the library at closing time by an armed policeman. On a Friday night. Good thing we exude so much awesomeness, or else we would be. . .Erkel.

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