1. You’re so emotionally raw that you’ve been known to tear up at a Spice Girls son.
2. You’ve started to schedule mental breakdowns at regular intervals, because if they have to happen you may as well have them at your convenience.
3. You can’t distinguish between group therapy and a Friday night hanging with your friends.
4. You can’t watch a movie without diagnosing and conceptualizing the mental health, interpersonal, and attachment issues of every character therein. Your friends stopped going to movies with you when you spent most of Toy Story 3 talking about Mrs. Potatohead’s enmeshed relationship with her monkey children.
5. You try to refrain from diagnosing your friends.
6. You tend to fail at number 5.
7. You have the disconcerting tendency to go for the emotional jugular–therefore, you frequently find yourself sitting next to brand new acquaintances, offering them tissues and wishing you had just stopped after “Hi, how are you?”
8. You could take any mortician in the “dark humor” category of a poetry slam.
9. Your friend comes to you asking if you think she should buy the green or blue sweater, and you find that all you can offer her is a set of paraphrases, a summary, and a profound question regarding how the color blue has been a key theme in her life.
10. You are absolutely convinced that you have every illness in the DSM-IV-TR, and probably some unique ones that haven’t yet been discovered. . .and this fact doesn’t bother you nearly as much as it probably should.
What might you add to this list?